The Cops at CBS

On January 14th, 2024, I walked into the lobby of the CBS Broadcast Center, and I asked to speak with a writer who worked for one of the shows produced at the building. I wanted to talk about reforming capitalism. Instead of telling me to go away, CBS called the cops on me, to report me as a dangerous crazy person.

This much, I am very sure on. What, precisely, happened in between my request being declined and the cops being called is a matter of some debate.

On this page, I am attempting to figure out what, exactly, happened that morning, since CBS has declined to respond to my repeated inquiries. In my memoir, I stitched together a general approximation of what might have happened, given what all I remembered saying that morning, but clearly I didn’t get it all correct. I now have bodycam footage from the NYPD, which provides some key insights, but which still leaves me with a core question:

What did I say to CBS before they called the cops on me, and did I deserve to receive such treatment?

The Core Elements

There are several core elements to the story I’ve been telling this whole time about my interactions with CBS and with the NYPD that morning. The problem is that I cannot remember the precise order of events, nor be completely sure what I said to whom. Indeed, it would be dishonest of me to claim to be completely sure of everything here…but this is what I remember, and what I have insisted on since the beginning.

  • I walked into CBS and asked to talk to a writer. My request was declined. I stated that I understood and accepted that my request was being declined, and I asked to sit in the lobby chairs, since it was freezing out. I was told no, and that I had to leave the building. I left the building, and I sat down outside, clear of the door, and I listened to music while I cried and tried to figure out my next step. I neither said nor did anything threatening.

  • Multiple CBS employees checked in on me casually, on their ways in or out of the building. I don’t know their names or jobs. One was “The Blurry Man” (because I was crying and couldn’t see his face clearly). Another was “Mr. Smoke-Break,” who seemed to be suggesting gently that I should head out because it was cold, and that I should go to a homeless shelter, and maybe come back later. Perhaps he was trying to warn me about the cops? I’m not sure on the timing of either of their check-ins.

  • Security eventually came back out to ask me what I wanted. I told them that I wanted to talk to a writer, and they told me to wait.

  • Security later returned with some sort of media-side person (the “Sleepy-Looking CBS Staffer” in my book), and he asked me what I wanted. I told him what I wanted, and I was again told to wait.

  • Eventually, the cops showed up, without anyone ever clearly instructing me to leave or telling me that I was making them uncomfortable. The cops showed up with an ambulance, obviously under the impression that I was dangerous and crazy. They interviewed me, found me coherent, self-aware, sometimes-funny, and completely harmless. They sent me on my way, with directions toward NBC.

  • At some point at CBS, I identified myself as the son of a wealthy industrialist, who had some good ideas about how to reform capitalism, and I acknowledged that I knew it sounded kind of crazy.

  • At some point at CBS, in response to a question, I went on a long, rambling spiel about the late-night TV landscape, and about the intricacies of the different writing styles of the shows, and the relationship between the shows in the media and political sphere. (I have confirmed that others remember me retelling this part, right from the first days after coming back from New York.)

  • At some point at CBS, in response to a question, I launched into an in-depth, specific analysis of The Daily Show, in which I explained my objections to their then-current format, and I suggested a different format (the one the show currently uses).

  • At some point at CBS, I explicitly stated that I understood that nobody in the TV was sending me secret messages, and that nobody knew who I was, and that it wasn’t some sort of “parasocial relationship” issue.

  • At some point at CBS, I asked for permission to “talk like I stepped out of an Aaron Sorkin show for a few minutes, without you guys thinking I’m crazy.” I received clearance, and then I launched into a principled stand about the social role and rhetorical framing of John Oliver’s show, and how unjust it was that apparently nobody wanted to actually talk to people if they showed up looking to discuss a Big Idea.

Assuming I did, essentially, say all of that…I still don’t know for sure what I said in exactly what order, or to whom. In my book, I attempted to reconstruct it all, but I clearly got some of it wrong. I knew and admitted at the time that it wasn’t perfect.

Luckily, now I have bodycam footage, which helps narrow down the possibilities.

The Bodycam Footage

It has been a couple of weeks, and I’m still working to wrap my head around the bodycam video. In all, I am extremely grateful to have it. The video does, in some critical ways, confirm the story that I’ve been telling this whole time:

  • I really was coherent, well-behaved, purposeful, self-aware, sometimes funny, and so completely nonthreatening when interviewed by the police that they cheerfully sent me on my way, with directions toward NBC, so I could try my luck again at another studio.

  • I really did pull out my phone to land a relatively lame joke, which was both funny at the time and incredibly stupid, and which resulted in the paramedic saying “That’s cheating!”

  • Both I and the police seem to be operating under the understanding that I was still there because CBS had told me to wait where I was, instead of telling me to leave. The police, in fact, supply me with unexpected information: that I was told to wait specifically so that they could talk to me.

The video does not, however, contain everything I remember saying at CBS that morning, including some of the most important and most emotionally significant parts, namely: (a) the spiel about the late-night shows, (b) the idea for the Daily Show format-change, and (c) the principled Aaron-Sorkin stand. All of which would be reeeealllllly nice to have some sort of record of.

Nevertheless, here’s the video, so you can see it for yourself (the audio starts about a minute in):

Bodycam video of the police interaction at CBS.

Additional video, which shows a side-conversation with CBS security.

So, what do I make of all that? Because, pretty clearly, the late-night spiel, the format-change, and the principled stand are all critical components to the story I’ve been telling (and the events I’ve been trying to reconstruct). Well, I’ve checked back in the earliest written accounts of my story, and those elements were present as far back as I have a record, though they were not necessarily definitively assigned to the conversation with the cops, per se. Instead, they were more generally assigned to the events at CBS, which may indicate that I said those things to CBS security, or to the staffer they brought out to talk to me, before the police were ever called. After all, this was an approximate reconstruction I was attempting for the sake of telling a parse-able story, largely written long after-the-fact.

To check my own memory, I have confirmed that at least one other person specifically remembers a conversation in which I recounted the late-night spiel, within 48 hours of the CBS incident, because we both remember him saying something to the effect of: “Why on Earth would you tell them all that?!” in reference to the spiel, with the clear implication that I would obviously have been taken as crazy and obsessive for saying it all. “Because they asked!” I insisted, according to both our memories. Similarly, my medical records indicate the possibility that I gave my principled stand prior to the cops being called.

So, I have tried to reconstruct a plausible timeline for what might have occurred that morning, which would be still largely in-keeping with my memories, and which would comport with the now-available bodycam footage. Admittedly, there’s a little motivated-reasoning going on here, because I’m trying to preserve the possibility that I’m largely accurately remembering the key things I think I said. So I’m working backwards a bit here, and we should remember that I might still not have it quite right. But this timeline fits with the available data, and it would explain what happened over the rest of the day and ensuing weeks.

A New Possible Timeline

So, all that said, here’s a new possible timeline I’ve been working on for what might have happened that morning:

  1. Sometime a little before 7:00am, I walk into the lobby of CBS, and I ask to speak with a writer. I am told “no,” without anyone asking what I actually want. I am sad, but I explicitly state that I understand and accept that my request is being declined, and I ask to sit in the lobby chairs for a few minutes while I figure out what to do next, because it was freezing outside. I am told “no,” and that I must exit the building. I exit, and I go sit down outside the building, and I cry while listening to music.

  2. Several minutes later, the Blurry Man passes by on his way into work. He checks in on me, and then reports to Security that I seem pretty upset and harmless, and that they might want to check on me again.

  3. Security comes out and checks on me, and they ask me for some specifics about what I wanted, and why I wanted to talk to a late-night writer. I explain that I think I have something important to tell one of them, something potentially relevant to the election, and then I launch into my spiel about the late-night shows, demonstrating an outstanding and in-depth analysis of the field. They ask me why I didn’t want to talk to The Daily Show, and I give a deep analysis of The Daily Show, including of its format problems, and I suggest a new format-change. Security tells me to sit back down, and they go back inside.

  4. Security conferences with someone on the media-side (maybe someone who was watching the whole thing on-camera or through the windows), and they decide that I seem serious enough and knowledgeable enough that it makes sense to call up a writer (or to designated a reporter) to go and talk to me.

  5. Sometime a little after 7:30, security comes outside again, this time with the writer/sleepy-looking CBS staffer, who is highly skeptical and not pleased to be there. He asks me several questions, during which his skepticism is clear, and during which I get frustrated at his obvious disbelief. I start getting emotional, and I ask for clearance to talk like I stepped out of an Aaron Sorkin show for a few minutes. I receive said clearance, and I launch into the principled stand. The staffer and security tell me to stay where I was, and they go back inside. Based on the principled stand, they deem me to have been crazy after all, and they call the cops on me.

  6. The cops show up, interview me, find me to be completely harmless, and send me on my way to NBC.

  7. Sometime around 8 or 8:30, I call the “CBS News NY” tip-line, and I leave a furious voicemail for them, explaining that I felt I’d been mistreated, recommending an internal investigation, and telling them exactly which train I’d be on at 11am. (Perhaps the staffer-writer also has a change of heart after the police interview?) CBS then dispatches two people to come intercept me at the train station, to find out what the hell I’d been going on about in the first place that morning. It’s possible that they were reporters, but I’m pretty sure they were Jen Flanz and Matt O’Brien, of The Daily Show, who are exactly the people I’d call, if I were CBS reporters who viewed the tapes of that whole morning and decided someone ought to follow up afterward. They use fake names “Josh” and “Tamara” at first, for protection, and to avoid suspicion, but I gradually figure it out over the course of the conversation.

  8. We talk for hours, first at the train station, then all the way back to Boston, and I propose several really good ideas, including the investigation.